I have to say that minus a couple really huge issues in 2013, I can say that it was a decent year. If I could erase those two things I would be fine, but they are hard to let go of. Despite that I have to say it wasn’t to terrible. I had fun. I worked my ass off for the first 8 months in order to graduate. While it was bitter sweet I still managed to do it. Then I got a good job (that I have to go back to today!) in September and have been doing that ever sense. In between all of the hard work I did have some fun. Spending time with my friends at a bonfire or the bar or going out to dinner….it was all great. Boys pissed me off, but what else is new? I am excited for today. Today is technically my first day of the new year. This is the day that I get to start really working on putting things into place for myself. I posted last about how I am on a quest to find happiness. I don’t know what I consider happiness anymore, but I will figure it out! At this very moment, I am happy about the cup of coffee I just finished. It was lovely! And I am also happy that my mom hasn’t come up to use the Elliptical this morning and will probably wait until Monday to get back on it. Having time to myself in the morning makes me happy as well. There is nothing better than having the chance to wake up and grasp what is going to happen that day without having to talk to people.
Since this is the first day of my work week in 2 weeks, I am going to start working on my resolutions and have a focus for the week (this will include all of next week too!). I am going to work on not caring about the boy. Not caring about why I don’t hear from him is the big one. I’m always wondering what he’s doing and such, but honestly it is completely unimportant to think about and even be the slightest bit concerned with. I think about him because I care about him. Truthfully, we’re just friends with benefits. I do get jealous. I am going to work on that as well. I do have to say that yesterday was epically funny. We finished having sex in his living room, not 10 minutes pass and his roommate walks in early from work. Clothing was back on and such, but boy I know it smelled like sex in there and I know she smelled it. I can’t specifically stand her, but I’m not letting it get to me anymore. I don’t care if they sleep in the same bed. He told me there is nothing going on and for my own piece of mind I have to believe him. She calls him babe. She kisses his cheek before she leaves for work. Things like that don’t matter. He is not mine. And I don’t have time to sit and worry about why he’s not paying attention to me. I am going to be paying attention to me from now on and I am just going to have to be satisfied with that for right now. Self love is the best kind, right? Because when I learn to love myself I will no longer put myself in this kind of situation. I like having sex with him though. I won’t lie to ya or myself. I do enjoy it. I know I could find someone else to have sex with, that isn’t the case. The problem is that I care. And one day when I stop caring will be the day that I truly love myself and won’t give a fuck if I don’t have anyone to have sex with for a while. Truthfully, I probably should focus on that, but it doesn’t seem to work very well. Apparently my IUD is supposed to make my sex drive go away. I can only hope that it at least puts a dent in it.
Well, bloggers. Happy New Year. I have to get my ass together for work. I’m so not ready for this! Also, one day at a time on this whole life thing. I need to learn to leave the future up to the future! I can only put in the effort now that I am able to and then I have to let the rest take care of itself. It will be fine in the end and everything will work out. Today I am focusing on me. Being happy. And not giving a shit about anything else.