I know we all have those moments where we wish we could take something back. I try not to live my life regretting things, but once in a while it pops up. I dated a man for a brief time, couple months, before I found out he thought it was okay to sleep with another girl (and yes she was a girl, not a woman), and that was over. He did tell me one thing that I have had in my head for a couple days now. He told me I was needy. I know it isn’t only with him, it has been with others since him also. I think back to my relationships before him and I wasn’t needy in some of them. The real ones, anyway. I got the right amount of attention. I didn’t have to go out searching for it. Why? Because I felt secure in my relationship and apparently I have not felt secure in a long while. If I had the chance I would take back dating him for the 2 months. I would also take back my needyness. However, since the world doesn’t worth that way, I am simply going to try VERY hard not to be needy anymore. I know I don’t need a man to accomplish anything for me. I have 2 jobs, I make good money, I might live at home, but not for much longer, and I’m taking care of myself. I don’t need reassurance that I am pretty. I know I am. I know there are so many people in the world who remind me that I am frequently. The boy I am seeing (I use that term loosely) told me I should feel hot everyday. I don’t know if that means he thinks I’m hot or if he wanted to help with my confidence, but it doesn’t matter because I should think that.
This morning and last night I have done a fair amount of thinking about our stupid relationship (loosely). I want his attention all the time. I am so insecure when it comes to him it is just downright pathetic. I don’t know what to do about it either. Today, I am just keeping my phone off. I’m not looking at it. I might even leave it in the car while I’m working. I just need to be away. He’s not going to be interested in talking to me today anyway because Assassins Creed IV came out at midnight. So on the off chance that he does, I won’t respond. He blew me off yesterday. I’m blowing off the thought of him today. I am not going to get over this needy thing very easily. But at least i have seen that there is a problem and I am going to attempt to fix it to the best of my ability. I will succeed at this. I don’t want to live my life regretting how I have treated him or made myself look to him. I’m just going to go radio silent for a while and wait for him to come to me. I’m tired of chasing him. I’m tired of chasing anyone. I need to chase myself!